“Success with Updating Something Old”



I had an interesting and filling week for the second week of July 2017. It started out with a luncheon where a tech company had revamped their hardcore products. The second event consisted of IoT (Internet of Things) and what VC’s (Venture Capital) had to say about the emerging market. The second day and third set of events is a combination of sorts, solar and semiconductors. The third day had to events: Google Cloud and S&P Dow Jones, yes, very different industries!


In the tech industry, it’s the most competitive of all the other industries as a whole. Why? Developers and start-up founders have all worked with one another in some form or another in the early days of their careers. All-of their ideas about how to fix certain problems clash throughout months and even years, causing various persons to part ways and start their own projects or another company overall. Since the early 2000’s, tech companies have been suing one another by means of using an “old” law concept of: copyright infringement and failure to abide an NDA (Non-Disclosure Agreement). The tech start-ups are obviously new, having been created in the past decade give or take, and yet, most of the men and women operating them have not read up on the “old” business laws created in their country, causing legal actions against them!


When I did my research on some of the VC companies on several workshop panels of that week, the newer firms have been sued within the past few years over greed from one of the parties but have managed to profit from their investments in a VERY short period of time whereas the older companies took a couple of years to several decades. Business practices are changing and what the younger CEO’s and founders have been accused of is sexual harassment, being underpaid, and stealing funds from the company bank account and putting into their personal one. Older companies have had the same type accusations but with social media, the complaints are automatically on every news outlet where as a half century ago, it would be in the newspaper a week later. Being an investor isn’t just about investing smart, it’s about having excellent when engaging with employees, colleagues, customers, and clients.


Tech needs investors and VC’s need something to put their money into to bring in recurring income. Some VC’s don’t think that there will be a recession in the US or even the rest of the world, while others DO suspect there will be by the end of 2017 into 2018. The reason behind the fear of investors is that they see the business market crash since MOST people will be out of work due to machines doing more work that used to be for five to ten persons to operate per item. Most persons around the globe don’t already have proper skill sets and don’t have the proper education to back them up on top of it all.


No matter where people live in the USA or in the world, politics are hindering what people can be employed to do by continuing to limit their businesses and resources. For example, most countries in the world have created other ways to generate electric power by using hydro, solar, and wind turbines. In the USA, some of the equipment and parts that go into making any of the supplies is still declared illegal and unsafe according to building laws that were written at least a century ago! Europe and Asia have been active in creating more forms of alternative and clean energy that they are able to be sustainable during extreme weather changes and have sufficient food supplies. Is there any reason why a known first world country can’t adjust and compete with the countries that have a lower GDP?

What people to do with their own money, can vary person to person and their influences. We can’t control what people do to invest or splurge with their hard-working earnings. In first world countries, the average person spends their money on little things rather than what’s important regarding their needs over temporary wants. Just as with investments, most persons will invest in old ideas since they see them as a more long-term fix rather than on newer options that are taking over the economy anywhere you go in the world.


Many companies that have been in business for well over a hundred years, are going bankrupt if they haven’t already gone under! Many companies that have been around for as short as five to ten years have profited into the billions and trillions. For anyone who wants to invest their time and money into something that will be trending indefinitely, they will have to put their interest into the medical and technical fields since all other industries are no longer around due to poor sales and lots of losses. Emerging tech is helping not just the average person, but also for the medical industry to help cure or even detect diagnosis’s that people are born with.


New money needs to stay with other new money types of companies and organizations. They need to invest into their own even though many companies are a competition rather than as a client or some kind of customer or user. We can’t depend the old companies that can’t stay afloat in the new age where technology is taking over industries that used to take actual physical labor. Machines are making our homes, food, vehicles we drive, and our clothing. Sure, it does take human brain power to make sure these machines are up and running properly, but where are the jobs? They don’t exist due to the creation of more machines.


We need to update many things in our professional life. That includes our investments, living situation, and colleagues. Who we surround ourselves does influence what we do when making serious life decisions that we didn’t know was possible aside from where we lived and whom we’d settled down with or have children.  So, for today, make a list of what our monetary successes are. If the number is low, then we need to make changes to keep up with the world around us where we desire to or not. The world isn’t going to wait for us, we just need to catch up!

“When I Am in the Wrong”



I shouldn’t have pried into someone’s private life. This time it’s my fault that they don’t want anything to do with me. I pushed this person away. I messed up and I don’t know if I’ll ever get a chance to apologize to them. I hate myself for that. I would love to get a second chance with this person, but sadly who knows if that’s even possible.


Do any of us ever notice where and when we are in the wrong? It took me until after the fact and then that’s when the guilt was buried inside my soul. I need to pry inside myself to get it out of me! I hurt their feelings without ever knowing what their limit is. Just because I can handle something, doesn’t mean that they could do that. MOST persons aren’t as emotional and psychologically strong as me. MOST people are emotionally and psychologically weak, VERY WEAK!


I take no bullshit from anyone or anything. I’ve learnt to always put up a fight when there are moments where a sense of pain and hurt are about to arise. I keep my guards up often and carefully. Am I scared? Yes, I am, all the time as a matter of fact. How am I going to make my apology to someone that I love or at least lust over? Oh, I don’t know exactly, not at this very moment.


Am I in love or do is it just some kind of lust on my part? It’s difficult to say since I am feeling a bit airy over the matter. Part of me feels like I am in love while outsiders see me as being a bit compulsive in my lust over the person. I think that I love them, but that may not be the case.


Do women ever admit they’re wrong? It’s rare as a matter of fact. Men are less likely to apologize too, so either way, it’s equally unapologetic! People are extremely stubborn and it’s a tough call whether either gender will step up and the mature one to make the first apology. It doesn’t matter what a person’s age just so happens to be, it’s the maturity that they would have within themselves to be honest at their own mistakes.


In the real world, it’s not about who is generally better and perfect, what people tend to fail to understand that life is about who admits to their mistakes and truthfully learns from them. In our own mind, we have the assumption of, “I’m right, they’re wrong”, when it’s really, “I was wrong, they were right”.


A good person is humble, they even admit when they are in the wrong and have made mistakes that are unbearable. They don’t shy away from learning from their mistakes. They also accept other people who have made mistakes and admitted what they did wrong, so-as to learn from how they treat others. We live, we learn, and eventually, we really do love.


Where do I start? How do I start? When do I start? What shall I say? Who do I make a practice run with? Do I even make a practice run to someone or even to myself in the mirror? Why is this extremely difficult to do? How will they react? Will they even accept it? Will my panic attacks stop? Why is this so painful and agonizing to do? Why must this be so emotionally stressful for me?


There are so many questions that I can ask myself and others will do the same as they’re in my situation. It’s not easy, it’s very difficult to endure! I will conquer this someway, somehow, and someday. If I can overcome this matter to apologize for something that I did wrong, then everyone else should do the same thing as well! This feeling of a certain type of guilt is weighing heavily on my heart. I just want that feeling to lifted off of me.

“Jungle Boy”



Jungle boy doesn’t really know for now how old jungle girl (me) really is. Since he’s young and extremely stubborn, he didn’t get the chance to learn something important in life. The other two essays are about my loss of him after learning their darkest secret. I want to share something from a professional business perspective that I other people learn from.


When we don’t face our life fears, this will affect how we perform professionally since we won’t be empathetic to the needs of others. In just about any industry, we must show empathy not sympathy! With empathy, we reach the core of a person or even another business to generate more with. Since jungle boy is extremely handsome, he did seem too good to be true. He had a dark secret that he never received closure from. In his private life, he took flight to a certain situation and never did fight it. As a woman and what I endured, I always put up a fight first before eventually taking flight!

Whatever industry a person works in, we need to also put up a fight, to become successful long term. Jungle boy never really had any legit job but random sales gig until I met him, so he wouldn’t understand the importance of putting up a fight even in the world of business. When I’ve read the biographies of most self-made billionaires, they’ve all put up a fight in their said industry! Just like many musicians and actors, MOST were originally rejected, but put up a fight in what they do and are successful as they age verses those who’ve given up resulting in suicide or drug abuse. Jungle boy relies on his looks to get himself by and it’ll only last for so long until people learn of his dark secret.

I’ve been very fortunate to be surrounded by people who have helped me endure my tragedies and loss. Those friends aren’t perfect but have been a great deal of comfort to my pain. Jungle boy doesn’t really have anyone he can a shoulder to cry on and he’s never had that yet. He never let his emotional pain go, and in the world of business that will affect results.

Youths are ignorant. They think they can handle the world, but, they can’t even overcome what’s are home. A happy home results in a good job performance! When personal relationships fail, so does the job! When people give up in the home, they’ve proven to give up on the job! He’s had success at doing one particular job, but that’s because he numbed his personal life.

I never got a chance to, but would have loved for jungle boy to have been my successor as a Professional Socialite. He’s the perfect specimen due his similarities to me, but hopefully he can survive his pain and suffering like I have. I was the underdog when I started and he’s already starting as one too since he doesn’t know the business professional scene like I’ve had to rush to figure out! He hasn’t seen it and most definitely hasn’t participated in any of it. I’ll sign him up as an option but won’t allow him to attend anything I do until he does apologize in person and add me back on social media!

I had to learn the hard way to navigate the business professional life. I had to learn about so many companies I’ve never heard of and what they do. I’ve received some suggestions along the way of what I can or should do at times but that wasn’t even immediate. I’ve met people who were surprised to meet me since they found events through my listings. Many random strangers want the scoop to have all the fun and getting as much as they can for free!

Jungle boy doesn’t know any of that, yet! He currently sees things like a room with no windows to see out. I know I’ve been a harsh on him, it’s because I’m anxious and can’t physically tackle the professional party seen due to aging as a woman. He may have received an award in sales, but he doesn’t have a “overcoming life fears” award! I started out shy and nervous and jungle boy is mostly confident other than dealing with me!

What makes him the ideal successor is that the first letters of Professional Socialite are also his initials! It’s fitting that when or if he comes back around to me, he will be taking on something that isn’t a job but a lifestyle. I can sense he’s secretly snobby but in general he’s a nice person. I saw something in him that he doesn’t see in himself. I saw someone who was also a lost soul just like me but hasn’t made closure. I originally saw perfect, yet deep in his soul he was more imperfect than me. He’s stubborn as I was once that way. He’s business smart and I’m emotionally smarter than him. He’s a father to two sons, I’m a mother to two daughters. We’ve had loss in our lives. He produced imperfect children, whereas, mine are perfect to make up myself being imperfect! It’s only fitting that a very imperfect perfect person becomes the one to take the business world by storm all from their presence and conversational intelligence!


The imperfectness of the ever so perfect jungle boy, is what made my heart be in love with him when I learnt that about him.


By reading body language of people, we know how to make a sale and make a business deal. We need to listen how they speak and what words they choose to say, so that when we’re making a professional connection, it’s permanent and not just a temporary one. We shouldn’t just care to close a deal, we should make sure we have a business marriage instead that will never divorce!


So, if you are a reader and are curious why I used the words: jungle girl and jungle boy, it’s in reference of our heritage. Even though he and I weren’t raised in a real jungle, our ethnic heritage is rooted from the rain forest steeped in mountains close to the equator but in far opposite ends of each hemisphere. It’s not racist, it’s not degrading, it’s the truth! Also, he and I are both living in a figurative jungle now as adults.

“Jungle Girl and Jungle Boy, Part 2”



So, the truth comes out. I told him mine and then he told me his! He gave up on his sons because they have down syndrome. As a beautiful person as he his, his own children suffered due to his vanity. He gave up on them. He failed. He doesn’t think he failed since he’s young and hasn’t figured it out. His personal failure will affect his professional failure as it progresses, that’s if it does. Since he doesn’t have much business experience, he won’t know for a long time where he went wrong.


I did share him mine, but so far, he hasn’t been critical of it just yet. The difference is that I got closure and he doesn’t have any on his end since his is more tragic than mine. He has a lot of anger inside, it’s boiled! Even over text he finally told me, sadly, it’ better than nothing at all! Wow, I can’t believe I feel sorry for jungle boy!


From this short-lived experience, I’ve learned that MOST men who are extremely handsome just like jungle boy, do have deep rooted secrets and it’s even a bigger shocker that it’s worse than mine! From the previous article, I mentioned what made me love him and it still stands. He can hate me all he wants but seeing his reaction of a certain sadness and loss will always be stay with me, which put something in my heart to say, “I LOVE YOU”. Sadly, it’s originally explained in text format and not in person first. But the younger generation lacks physical connection more than anything. I’m still shocked that he reads real books!


So now that jungle boy knows that I love him in a very unconventional way, I’ll leave it at that. He’s spilled his darkest secret onto me of all people. I know it wasn’t what he expected either. Whether or not he finally gets closure in the near future, depends on his part as a human being. I hope he finally lets out his tears even if they’re not going to be with me any time soon since I got him all worked up and angry. I feel sorry for him. I may not see my kids that often, but they are healthy and intelligent, whereas he doesn’t have that at all! A sigh of relief has come off of me!


As I was putting this together, I discovered that he has blocked me on Facebook, unfriended me on Instagram, and oddly enough, I’m still on his LinkedIn!


I’ve learnt a lot about jungle boy in a month’s time. I’m glad that I never spent too much time with him from the start. I learnt his darkest secret. I made him angry for a good reason. I may have some love for him that’s emotional and not sexual, but overall, he’s a deadbeat babies’ daddy for giving up on his sons whom he says have down syndrome. He’s proven that he’s heartless and selfish. Any man who can’t love the people whom he brings into the world, can’t love another human being to be a significant other! If I can tell him in person at my angriest, I’d tell him that he can be with another hundred or thousand women, and as long as he continues on this failed life path of ignoring his own children, being with all those women will NEVER heal any of those wounds!


When I had gone through all of my hurt in my situation, I engaged with a lot of men and all of that never once provided me happiness in the end. I had to teach myself that I don’t need a man to fill in what I need, and that is love. Love is in me and I honestly didn’t care about myself at the time. I know now that sex doesn’t cure loss and it doesn’t fill in pain. Men just want a hole to stick his penis in and will only seek out vulnerable women who don’t know their darkest secret. Jungle boy is that way. He has a secret that other women don’t know and most women who are childless don’t care for. Men I met didn’t care about my kids, and for jungle boy, women whom he’s been with only want him for being attractive and that’s it, they don’t care for him to have his children in his life.


There is so much boiling inside that I’d tell him out of anger, but in hindsight, I don’t believe in stupefying myself. I have love in my heart. He has loss and I must the better person to teach him that he can endure his pain built inside. The structure of the pain is supposed to be temporary and in my situation, it was with some remnants scattered around what was there. In his case, it’s still looking like a more permanent fixture, when it shouldn’t be!


Just as every other guy who’s been somewhat involved with me, they come back at some point minus the fathers of my two children. I don’t have kids with jungle boy and we’ve never been intimate. The closest type of intimacy was just the kisses on the right cheek. He is accustomed to women chasing him that when someone like me met his match minus the looks department, he became scared because I didn’t chase after him other than sending the first picture messaging. He’s never done the chasing since his looks compensated for what he felt as if he didn’t need to do. I knew in my heart that there was a connection between him and me from the beginning. His initial charm got my attention, just as with anyone. Sure, he was too good to be true but his inner demons are still in town indefinitely. I broke down the pretty boy. He’s never been emotionally shredded up for his own benefit before. Will this one ever come back around? If he ever does, I know it will take longer than some of the rest since we have something in common.


I LOVE Jungle Boy! He is my equal in loss and in pain. Just as with ALL previous love interests, I will move on. I know that if he learns his life lesson, it’d take a long time to realize that his unfortunate life results stem from his original poor choice and in his case, purposely abandoning his sons because they weren’t physically perfect like him. He moved to the area for numerous reasons, but to also start over since his previous relationships failed him and I wouldn’t doubt it’s due to his vanity and materialistic ways to compensate for neglecting his sons. A beautiful man didn’t make exterior beautiful children, especially sons. His original claim is that he was young when he had them. That was definitely NOT the case, it’s because they just weren’t specimen to his own looks.

“Jungle Girl Loves Jungle Boy, Part 1”



I am crushed beyond and have been crying tears of sorrow. I learned someone’s darkest secret and didn’t reveal to them, mine. Without giving away what it is, all I can say is, the person my heart told me, “I LOVE THIS MAN” has the same dark secret as me! I have been hurt so many times in the past that I learnt to not reveal that part of me to anyone new I meet that could be a potential love interest.


It’s unusual for a Latino man to admit something terrible in his life to anyone much less to a woman of all people! So how did it happen? After Salsa, I had noticed a sudden sad look on his face. I asked him very specifically and he became choked in replying. He revealed to me his darkest secret! I grilled him as he became more hesitant since he’s never discussed the matter. Since his uncle was there, his uncle stepped him to cover up the issue. The rest of the night became awkward. He did give me a kiss on my right cheek dimple after I had surprised him with his birthday gift.


Days later when I was supposed to meet-up with him to give him some books that I have, he called me once to postpone meeting up due to other matters and then when later arrived, he eventually revealed another excuse. This time the excuse made me furious to text him to return his birthday gift. He called me so fast before I can put down my phone!


I was with friends and stepped away to talk to him. I had a difficult time speaking and even tried to say that I’ve given their gift because I like them. Those words that I like them more than a friend were a little scrambled on my part! I ended the call informing them that I’d meet them where we were supposed to before at the same time the next day hanged up as they were saying something else which I didn’t want to know since I was frustrated!


Sure, love comes and goes, but when you have an unusual connection of facing the same tragedy, that’s rare. A person can have immediate sexual connection with just about anyone, but having an emotional bond doesn’t happen often but once in a lifetime, maybe twice for those who live a long life. What started out as a little flirt became something that would hurt, followed by heartache and then heartbreak. When we know something is right, we know in our heart, and the sad part, is that at some point we don’t even know if we should put up a fight.


I would like to share something that I have in common with this person. It’s that even though our families are from far ends of the earth and our ages differ, we have similarities that are of the lesser known. Without revealing those, that is something that humans are short sided to consider when it comes to friendships and even in love. The man is attractive, more handsome than I could have ever dreamt of, but in the end, it wasn’t his looks that got my attention, it was something personal.


He saw me as a friend because that’s based on how we met. If he thought of me as anything else at some point early on, I wouldn’t know. I felt the same way, sort of. I put him in a friend zone for I was afraid that I would lose him, even as a friend. But in the end, I am in love. My heart felt a connection it hasn’t before. My heart felt his hurt that he’s been hiding all along. I may not be able to automatically cure his hurt and deep sorrows, but I saw it and I felt it. I saw it in his eyes and facial expressions. I saw it in how he become solemn. He had been a lost soul just like me, but it’s only a matter of time and energy if he’ll come to realize that I’m empathetic to his problem.


All I can do is share. I’m scared to share it with him. For once, when I finally thought it’d be best to keep it all to myself, I met him, someone who shares the same pains of loss and giving up. He’s traveled all over the world and speaks more languages than me, yet through all of that, his true happiness was hidden and he’d use other means to cover up what’s eating his soul. I, on the other hand, have been all over the USA, and even when I endured life tragedies and originally didn’t have closure, I felt miserable everywhere I went. Once I got closure regarding my life tragedies, I felt renewed and it helps that I keep a simple type of life. As for him, he has been surrounding him in material things since that’s all he’s ever known. Those material things didn’t bring me any happiness where-as for him, he sees it as so. We may differ on certain levels, but the over issue, is that I wasn’t expecting it and neither was he. I know for me, I wasn’t looking. I even lost sleep all together, throughout the weekend from after I had met him on a Friday afternoon.


We share oddball interests. He enjoys reading and I have a lot of books I haven’t come around to read, thanks for being tech conference giveaways! He likes the same wine shop as me close to where we met. He’s a terrible dancer and I’m a little stiff in recent years but I love to try to do some dancing. We both love red. We come from big families. We both have children. He says he has twin boys that he hasn’t seen and doesn’t even know their names. I have two daughters, one I saw nearly two years ago for the first time in ten years, and the other I haven’t seen since she was a year old. We have children we miss that we don’t see. His kids are lastly known to be in another country, where as mine are across the country from me. I’ll leave that part there… He and I parents who have been without our own children and miss them greatly, but since he’s a man of a certain ethnicity, he keeps that part of him bottled up and is currently a terrible stereotype for purposely being absent to his selfishness.


I fear facing him and I fear telling him my story. I hope he does get closure just as I have.

“Finally, My Almost Equal”



About a month ago, I met someone. I haven’t been the same ever since, no seriously, I’ve been in a blissful state! We haven’t spent much time together which is best when someone new comes along. I have personally put the person in more a friend zone state. Sure, whenever I see them, my heart flutters, but it’s recently that I’ve learned of some personal information about them.  That personal information, they’ve never faced that pain that’s deeply inside them.


I’ve come to terms about all the bad choices made in my life. I have been fortunate enough to go through therapy to help cope with that tragedy and I had also worked in mental health. My life isn’t perfect, obviously, but unlike many others, I make sure I start to face my fears for a change. The person that makes my heart flutter, has made extremely selfish choices in their life so far that it’ll always deeply pain them throughout life. I had witnessed what it is. I even inquired about it. I swear, they almost cried just discussing something so deeply personal.


When people don’t discuss their inner and deepest darkest of secrets, they make up for it by other means. This person is materialistic and fancies the much finer things in life. Sadly, I hope karma got the best of this person regarding their poor decision making to teach them a lesson that they shouldn’t be selfish. I know from personal experience, I keep a low-key life due to the smallest of my actions will cause an effect elsewhere. I can’t be selfish like this person, my life already taught me a lesson in humility. The information regarding the persons deepest and most painful of secrets almost made them cry. I quickly saw a very human side of them by observing an emotional side they’ve never exposed until now. When I witnessed the human emotional side of them, I realized in my heart, I love this person because they remind me of me and when I’ve made certain bad choices in life.


As of currently, the person is unaware of my situation, which is likened to theirs. I personally don’t want them to be critical of mine when they haven’t faced their problem to a resolution. The rest of the evening on the day they told me their deepest dark secret, they kept quiet and even didn’t hold a smile like they normally do. I did hit a soft spot. Can I help them face that reality? I don’t know, since it’d be up to them. Eventually, I will offer my help, since in my situation, few people have ever helped me and for those who took their energy to do so, I am forever indebted to them.


Could I ever be in an actual romantic relationship with this person? I don’t know and most definitely, NOT any time soon. I see a hurt person and before I would even be sexually and romantically involved, I would need to pull all of that out of them to prove if we’ll even work out indefinitely. Through all their strong and tough persona, I discovered their weakness, I know their kryptonite.


What makes this “relationship” different and unique? We’ve been hurt and suffered loss. The only difference is that they haven’t faced a certain specific life altering problem and I have. I have come to terms and dealt with my problem where as they have been putting it off for longer. This person has been living in luxury to compensate for their deep dark secret. Then again, it’s always the people that we see living the glamorous life on the outside that have skeletons in their closet. This person does and it’s sad that they have fallen into their given stereotype all because they were selfish and made a bad choice.


For the time being, I don’t know if I’ll be able to help this person since I can barely help myself as it is. Overall, in time, I’ll offer to help them and it’ll be up to them if they choose to accept it. MANY persons reject certain types of help in life thinking that everything will be great for them, when, it will creep up on them. For this person, it’s finally creeping up on them. I’ll keep my fan base informed if they’d like to know more.


In the meantime, I won’t reveal what it is they and I have that is what made us bond. So far, they don’t know that I’ve been through something VERY much like them. What I can say is, they claim to be a nice and hard-working person, but that’s just their front to cover up some old damaged goods.


There’s just something about this person that I see, and that’s an old me: stubborn, selfish, and prideful. Will this person allow themselves to be fixed? I don’t know. Will this person accept advice and help? For the situation, it’s pending. Will they accept their previous selfish decision and change? I’m not sure, but I hope they do.


I’ve had so many failed relationships and overcame many pitfalls in my life. In my personal life experiences, once I made the effort to face the bad things in my past, I became a stronger person even if some of those situations didn’t result in my favor at the then moment. It’s the fact that I made substantial effort to face what pained my heart and soul. It was difficult and I cried over facing my greatest fears. For this person, I hope they finally face their greatest fear from a tragedy. They may have respect from their peers that don’t know that certain side of them, but when people in their life learn and discover that they’ve overcame a matter extremely intense, they’ll gain a new means of respect. Overcoming life’s greatest fears makes us grow and be stronger people. Hopefully this person I love does that…

I know that the 3 things that I can always offer are: love, friendship, and companionship.

“When a Gay Boy Falls in Love with a Girl”

Just because it’s finally okay for men to be gay in most first world countries, doesn’t mean that all of them are going to fall in love with another man. The craziest and most absurd issue that will arise, is that some of them will hate to discover that their heart will in fact fall in love with a woman. For some of those men, when their heart chooses for them who it will love, they in fact will never have had any sexual relations with a woman before up to that point in life.

The feeling of one’s heart to love another outside of their own norm, is devastating, leading a person to become bitter as they face that reality. The gay boy whose heart chooses the girl over another boy, will more likely spend the rest of his life in misery. He can’t contend with the reality of his sexuality because he had always assumed that other males were the only gender for him.

Life isn’t easy for the woman. She would prefer that a heterosexual male be the love of her life and not a gay boy. There’s a difference between a gay bestie, is that the man whom a woman would have as a platonic love for rather than more of a significant other type. An unexpected romantic love from an unlikely source does throw everything in a loophole!

The said gay boy whose heart fell in love with a girl, doesn’t even know what to do with his sexual organs. He has been with other men like himself and for the longest time, he supposedly never had the thought of what it means to be with a female until now. He can watch porn, but it’s not the same since his curiosity has never officially physically seen a real female body nude. He does ask in a suggesting manner about trying to be with the female he’s in love with, yet the weird part, is that the woman never had the thought cross her mind since she’s solely been in his companionship as being gay. She agrees but knows and senses that the he will decline due to his fear on the possible later occasion.

His age is in a cusp of when the average male discovers life and finally humbles himself. In this situation, he NEVER does humble himself and in the long haul, he rejects the said female out of jealousy. She’s no supermodel, but her personality is what people love since she’s compassionate and sincere. He becomes jealous and is spiteful since he feels that a man should always be superior over women. Their personalities collide and the gay boy is the first to part ways. He leaves with hate in his heart while the woman still loves him.

He returns to his philandering ways just before he met the love of his life. The intimacy with the other men is terrible because he’s only with them to cover up his shame of rejecting a woman he loves. He is embarrassed because he can’t face her in person ever again. He is also in denial since he’s a narcissist in his soul. As much as he engages sexually with other men, it continuously is unpleasant. He befriends other women, but they’re all TOO stupid to deal with him properly. He loves that they are dumb because he wants to be superior to them, always insisting he’s correct about everything. He also dumb-downs his male sex partners and female friends. Again, it’s to make himself feel superior.

In due time, he may come to his senses, but chances are he will never do so. He has built so much hate in his heart for the woman his heart fell in love with for him. The woman is left in sadness, emptiness, and lonely. She has become a bit of a recluse socially because she’s lost the love of her life mentally and emotionally. She wishes he was physically dead to her so that the grieving ends quickly. Sadly, he’s somewhat around and lives a life to avoid any encounter of her.

Down the road, he becomes curious and stalks her social media to see what she is up to after all, he originally blocked her on ALL that as well as in email and contacts. It may have taken her a while, but he sees that she’s happy, even at times, she’s happy with someone new who just so happens to be intelligent as well as handsome. He’s extremely stubborn that he brushes off her new-found happiness elsewhere and with someone much better to her than he could ever be. Over time, he continues to check what little access he can get to regarding the woman that he abandoned. He does have his own adventures in life, but they are all incomplete since none of them are with her.

She finally has moved on but deep down in her heart, she will always love him. He has proved to be a terrible and selfish human being by his mistreatment of her. She has spent a long time fearing continuous rejection and abandonment. Not all gay boys mistreat their female friends, but in this case, this gay boy, fell in love with a girl. He may never had said it and yet, his actions did since they were abnormal behaviors that a gay boy would have when he’d be with a female. In the end, he is miserable for giving up on his love for her and she’s happy that she had no choice but to let him go forever. Even if he were to make his way back to her heart, she would NEVER accept him for all the emotional pain he put her through.