So I tested something out recently in regard to a certain matter with my heterosexual female friends and this is what I concluded: (city) women are self—centered!
In the not so distant past, I met someone. Even though I was the one who approached Mr. Z which has been out of my own element, it was the condition he was in that I had inquired which is, he has a broken leg! Whoa! My girlfriends questioned that part immediately! They asked why I talked to him considering that I’m known for having random hook-ups with guys to which I replied, this time it’s different. They replied back with: what makes him different since that what I usually say to them. To which I ended up saying: he has a nice huge smile despite his temporary physical condition, nice eyes, and later is when I realized that he has the perfect eyebrows!
So how did the matter about Mr. Z arise? Recently I had gone out-of-town and Mr. Z was at the same city I had gone to. He arrived there for work a day before me and left the day after I arrived. The time we spent hanging out together in this other city would be our third and fourth time since we first met a month before. Through conversation the third and fourth time, I think I scared him away in some way, but that’s due to my lack of making proper conversation. I don’t hide much of who I am or where I came from since that part is what keeps people from inquiring later, plus I’m being honest about me upfront and it’s a way to test people if they’ll stay or leave permanently.
In a relatively short amount of time, I’ve learned as an adult, I’ve become a bitter person in a way since I’ve been hurt emotionally, socially, psychologically, and materially. For many years, I’ve allowed myself to get hurt and have felt helpless in return. I’ve numbed my emotions for the most part and occasionally cut off affection since I trained myself to be after not being raised that way. I still believe that I’m a loving person even though it doesn’t appear that way currently.
I have met the majority of my current friends in professional business (tech) settings. After conversing with Mr. Z, I can sense that he hasn’t exactly met single women to be friends with in his current business professional setting for he’s newish to his place of work. Since it was in my best interest to want to “keep” him around after I sabotaged everything, I had said to Mr. Z that we should be friends which left him confused. He’s a genuinely polite and helpful person which isn’t common with the majority of young people anymore, for it’s rare since they’re rude and selfish! I told my girlfriends that even though he’s the one with the broken leg, he still held the door open for me! He has manners and I love that!
The next factor that some of my girlfriends asked is his age. OK, so I’m older and some of my female friends are still insisting that settling down is best with a man who’s older, which in my personal experience is false! Another matter is that Mr. Z doesn’t live in the same city as me but is an hour away by driving. I’m OK with that since if the guy even as a friend lived nearby, I’d “hate” or spite him quickly by seeing him too much all too soon.
For the time being, Mr. Z has expressed that he doesn’t know what he wants want right now in regard to relationships (more like confused) and that why he’s focused with work, currently a workaholic. Plus, his profession is very demanding since he’s in tech hardware sales. I can sense that in his past relationships with other women he’s dated, they didn’t appreciate him being kind-hearted since most women generally chase after men who are a tool and were selfish in the end. I’m not saying this guy is perfect, he has some quirks I can sense but haven’t seen just yet. He’s young and is still learning about life. As mentioned, I met him while he was working but not at his place of work. I’m not someone he grew up and went to school with. I’m a person to him from this real world we live in beyond our youth, family life, and work. For Mr. Z to meet me, is a different life experience for him and will be if we continue to be friends or maybe more in the long haul.
I was asked by my girlfriends if he has taken me out on a date to which I said, NO. Rushing to have dinner, lunch, and brunch dates tends to end things faster or make them linger in misery indefinitely. Mr. Z and I have only really “hanged out” together, so no official dating and I’m OK with that. I’ve learned in my life so far, that life isn’t all about how many dinner dates one can get with someone only to be miserable and never truly happy with them. When I was in a recent financial crisis, I didn’t ask Mr. Z to help me out with that. Part of me felt embarrassed to ask him since I can already sense he’d reject me overall as a friend and that I was just incompetent. I was fortunate to be saved with the help from established friends and colleagues to which I was able to pay them back within a week. What I mean by that is that he doesn’t understand or know my true circumstance and most of my colleagues don’t know either but my friends do. Due to lack of private personal life experiences for the time being, I know that Mr. Z is not in the capacity to currently evaluate who and how I am as a person as my friends have come to accept me for. Our social circles aren’t the same but that’s OK, it helps keep negative comments out since there’s no info to hinder from either party.
Mr. Z is handsome where as I have body dysmorphic issues. He’s always been complimented as being good-looking where as I’ve always been told I was ugly and as an adult, only drunk and/or desperate men trying to get laid have said I was: pretty, beautiful, HOT, and damn-fine. The first time I had met Mr. Z other women saw him too, but when he was sitting down they saw me with a handsome young guy. When he stood up to return to work, they saw that he was on crutches and had a broken leg. One acquaintance approached me after he left said that she had seen him and thought he was cute but the broken leg, well, she found that as a turn off. I’m not desperate for any guy by any means, he did explain to me how it got broken and for how long, but if I has asked, I wouldn’t be so quick to judge like others.
The second time Mr. Z and I hanged out, he serenaded me with some acoustic guitar playing. We didn’t watch TV or watch a movie, we talked and he played music for me. I had a stressful week and it was soothing to end it nicely with some real music to relax to. To me, the simple things are the finer things in life and that’s what makes me content. I’ve come to learn why I’ve made so many terrible relationship decisions with permanent consequences and the same mistakes some of my girlfriends continue to ruminate. For personal matters, some people would backtrack five to ten years, but for me it’s more years than that. What I know now, I’d have to backtrack fifteen years. I would definitely have a different life now if I could go back in time and change my future mistakes from occurring.
My friends are my friends and yes, we have disagreements on dating and such most of the time. I know that people on this planet are generally heartless and you can’t change them, only they can change themselves. There are some good and kindhearted people left on this planet, I am one of them.