“Jungle Girl Loves Jungle Boy, Part 1”

 

 

I am crushed beyond and have been crying tears of sorrow. I learned someone’s darkest secret and didn’t reveal to them, mine. Without giving away what it is, all I can say is, the person my heart told me, “I LOVE THIS MAN” has the same dark secret as me! I have been hurt so many times in the past that I learnt to not reveal that part of me to anyone new I meet that could be a potential love interest.

 

It’s unusual for a Latino man to admit something terrible in his life to anyone much less to a woman of all people! So how did it happen? After Salsa, I had noticed a sudden sad look on his face. I asked him very specifically and he became choked in replying. He revealed to me his darkest secret! I grilled him as he became more hesitant since he’s never discussed the matter. Since his uncle was there, his uncle stepped him to cover up the issue. The rest of the night became awkward. He did give me a kiss on my right cheek dimple after I had surprised him with his birthday gift.

 

Days later when I was supposed to meet-up with him to give him some books that I have, he called me once to postpone meeting up due to other matters and then when later arrived, he eventually revealed another excuse. This time the excuse made me furious to text him to return his birthday gift. He called me so fast before I can put down my phone!

 

I was with friends and stepped away to talk to him. I had a difficult time speaking and even tried to say that I’ve given their gift because I like them. Those words that I like them more than a friend were a little scrambled on my part! I ended the call informing them that I’d meet them where we were supposed to before at the same time the next day hanged up as they were saying something else which I didn’t want to know since I was frustrated!

 

Sure, love comes and goes, but when you have an unusual connection of facing the same tragedy, that’s rare. A person can have immediate sexual connection with just about anyone, but having an emotional bond doesn’t happen often but once in a lifetime, maybe twice for those who live a long life. What started out as a little flirt became something that would hurt, followed by heartache and then heartbreak. When we know something is right, we know in our heart, and the sad part, is that at some point we don’t even know if we should put up a fight.

 

I would like to share something that I have in common with this person. It’s that even though our families are from far ends of the earth and our ages differ, we have similarities that are of the lesser known. Without revealing those, that is something that humans are short sided to consider when it comes to friendships and even in love. The man is attractive, more handsome than I could have ever dreamt of, but in the end, it wasn’t his looks that got my attention, it was something personal.

 

He saw me as a friend because that’s based on how we met. If he thought of me as anything else at some point early on, I wouldn’t know. I felt the same way, sort of. I put him in a friend zone for I was afraid that I would lose him, even as a friend. But in the end, I am in love. My heart felt a connection it hasn’t before. My heart felt his hurt that he’s been hiding all along. I may not be able to automatically cure his hurt and deep sorrows, but I saw it and I felt it. I saw it in his eyes and facial expressions. I saw it in how he become solemn. He had been a lost soul just like me, but it’s only a matter of time and energy if he’ll come to realize that I’m empathetic to his problem.

 

All I can do is share. I’m scared to share it with him. For once, when I finally thought it’d be best to keep it all to myself, I met him, someone who shares the same pains of loss and giving up. He’s traveled all over the world and speaks more languages than me, yet through all of that, his true happiness was hidden and he’d use other means to cover up what’s eating his soul. I, on the other hand, have been all over the USA, and even when I endured life tragedies and originally didn’t have closure, I felt miserable everywhere I went. Once I got closure regarding my life tragedies, I felt renewed and it helps that I keep a simple type of life. As for him, he has been surrounding him in material things since that’s all he’s ever known. Those material things didn’t bring me any happiness where-as for him, he sees it as so. We may differ on certain levels, but the over issue, is that I wasn’t expecting it and neither was he. I know for me, I wasn’t looking. I even lost sleep all together, throughout the weekend from after I had met him on a Friday afternoon.

 

We share oddball interests. He enjoys reading and I have a lot of books I haven’t come around to read, thanks for being tech conference giveaways! He likes the same wine shop as me close to where we met. He’s a terrible dancer and I’m a little stiff in recent years but I love to try to do some dancing. We both love red. We come from big families. We both have children. He says he has twin boys that he hasn’t seen and doesn’t even know their names. I have two daughters, one I saw nearly two years ago for the first time in ten years, and the other I haven’t seen since she was a year old. We have children we miss that we don’t see. His kids are lastly known to be in another country, where as mine are across the country from me. I’ll leave that part there… He and I parents who have been without our own children and miss them greatly, but since he’s a man of a certain ethnicity, he keeps that part of him bottled up and is currently a terrible stereotype for purposely being absent to his selfishness.

 

I fear facing him and I fear telling him my story. I hope he does get closure just as I have.

“Finally, My Almost Equal”

 

 

About a month ago, I met someone. I haven’t been the same ever since, no seriously, I’ve been in a blissful state! We haven’t spent much time together which is best when someone new comes along. I have personally put the person in more a friend zone state. Sure, whenever I see them, my heart flutters, but it’s recently that I’ve learned of some personal information about them.  That personal information, they’ve never faced that pain that’s deeply inside them.

 

I’ve come to terms about all the bad choices made in my life. I have been fortunate enough to go through therapy to help cope with that tragedy and I had also worked in mental health. My life isn’t perfect, obviously, but unlike many others, I make sure I start to face my fears for a change. The person that makes my heart flutter, has made extremely selfish choices in their life so far that it’ll always deeply pain them throughout life. I had witnessed what it is. I even inquired about it. I swear, they almost cried just discussing something so deeply personal.

 

When people don’t discuss their inner and deepest darkest of secrets, they make up for it by other means. This person is materialistic and fancies the much finer things in life. Sadly, I hope karma got the best of this person regarding their poor decision making to teach them a lesson that they shouldn’t be selfish. I know from personal experience, I keep a low-key life due to the smallest of my actions will cause an effect elsewhere. I can’t be selfish like this person, my life already taught me a lesson in humility. The information regarding the persons deepest and most painful of secrets almost made them cry. I quickly saw a very human side of them by observing an emotional side they’ve never exposed until now. When I witnessed the human emotional side of them, I realized in my heart, I love this person because they remind me of me and when I’ve made certain bad choices in life.

 

As of currently, the person is unaware of my situation, which is likened to theirs. I personally don’t want them to be critical of mine when they haven’t faced their problem to a resolution. The rest of the evening on the day they told me their deepest dark secret, they kept quiet and even didn’t hold a smile like they normally do. I did hit a soft spot. Can I help them face that reality? I don’t know, since it’d be up to them. Eventually, I will offer my help, since in my situation, few people have ever helped me and for those who took their energy to do so, I am forever indebted to them.

 

Could I ever be in an actual romantic relationship with this person? I don’t know and most definitely, NOT any time soon. I see a hurt person and before I would even be sexually and romantically involved, I would need to pull all of that out of them to prove if we’ll even work out indefinitely. Through all their strong and tough persona, I discovered their weakness, I know their kryptonite.

 

What makes this “relationship” different and unique? We’ve been hurt and suffered loss. The only difference is that they haven’t faced a certain specific life altering problem and I have. I have come to terms and dealt with my problem where as they have been putting it off for longer. This person has been living in luxury to compensate for their deep dark secret. Then again, it’s always the people that we see living the glamorous life on the outside that have skeletons in their closet. This person does and it’s sad that they have fallen into their given stereotype all because they were selfish and made a bad choice.

 

For the time being, I don’t know if I’ll be able to help this person since I can barely help myself as it is. Overall, in time, I’ll offer to help them and it’ll be up to them if they choose to accept it. MANY persons reject certain types of help in life thinking that everything will be great for them, when, it will creep up on them. For this person, it’s finally creeping up on them. I’ll keep my fan base informed if they’d like to know more.

 

In the meantime, I won’t reveal what it is they and I have that is what made us bond. So far, they don’t know that I’ve been through something VERY much like them. What I can say is, they claim to be a nice and hard-working person, but that’s just their front to cover up some old damaged goods.

 

There’s just something about this person that I see, and that’s an old me: stubborn, selfish, and prideful. Will this person allow themselves to be fixed? I don’t know. Will this person accept advice and help? For the situation, it’s pending. Will they accept their previous selfish decision and change? I’m not sure, but I hope they do.

 

I’ve had so many failed relationships and overcame many pitfalls in my life. In my personal life experiences, once I made the effort to face the bad things in my past, I became a stronger person even if some of those situations didn’t result in my favor at the then moment. It’s the fact that I made substantial effort to face what pained my heart and soul. It was difficult and I cried over facing my greatest fears. For this person, I hope they finally face their greatest fear from a tragedy. They may have respect from their peers that don’t know that certain side of them, but when people in their life learn and discover that they’ve overcame a matter extremely intense, they’ll gain a new means of respect. Overcoming life’s greatest fears makes us grow and be stronger people. Hopefully this person I love does that…

I know that the 3 things that I can always offer are: love, friendship, and companionship.

“When a Gay Boy Falls in Love with a Girl”

Just because it’s finally okay for men to be gay in most first world countries, doesn’t mean that all of them are going to fall in love with another man. The craziest and most absurd issue that will arise, is that some of them will hate to discover that their heart will in fact fall in love with a woman. For some of those men, when their heart chooses for them who it will love, they in fact will never have had any sexual relations with a woman before up to that point in life.

The feeling of one’s heart to love another outside of their own norm, is devastating, leading a person to become bitter as they face that reality. The gay boy whose heart chooses the girl over another boy, will more likely spend the rest of his life in misery. He can’t contend with the reality of his sexuality because he had always assumed that other males were the only gender for him.

Life isn’t easy for the woman. She would prefer that a heterosexual male be the love of her life and not a gay boy. There’s a difference between a gay bestie, is that the man whom a woman would have as a platonic love for rather than more of a significant other type. An unexpected romantic love from an unlikely source does throw everything in a loophole!

The said gay boy whose heart fell in love with a girl, doesn’t even know what to do with his sexual organs. He has been with other men like himself and for the longest time, he supposedly never had the thought of what it means to be with a female until now. He can watch porn, but it’s not the same since his curiosity has never officially physically seen a real female body nude. He does ask in a suggesting manner about trying to be with the female he’s in love with, yet the weird part, is that the woman never had the thought cross her mind since she’s solely been in his companionship as being gay. She agrees but knows and senses that the he will decline due to his fear on the possible later occasion.

His age is in a cusp of when the average male discovers life and finally humbles himself. In this situation, he NEVER does humble himself and in the long haul, he rejects the said female out of jealousy. She’s no supermodel, but her personality is what people love since she’s compassionate and sincere. He becomes jealous and is spiteful since he feels that a man should always be superior over women. Their personalities collide and the gay boy is the first to part ways. He leaves with hate in his heart while the woman still loves him.

He returns to his philandering ways just before he met the love of his life. The intimacy with the other men is terrible because he’s only with them to cover up his shame of rejecting a woman he loves. He is embarrassed because he can’t face her in person ever again. He is also in denial since he’s a narcissist in his soul. As much as he engages sexually with other men, it continuously is unpleasant. He befriends other women, but they’re all TOO stupid to deal with him properly. He loves that they are dumb because he wants to be superior to them, always insisting he’s correct about everything. He also dumb-downs his male sex partners and female friends. Again, it’s to make himself feel superior.

In due time, he may come to his senses, but chances are he will never do so. He has built so much hate in his heart for the woman his heart fell in love with for him. The woman is left in sadness, emptiness, and lonely. She has become a bit of a recluse socially because she’s lost the love of her life mentally and emotionally. She wishes he was physically dead to her so that the grieving ends quickly. Sadly, he’s somewhat around and lives a life to avoid any encounter of her.

Down the road, he becomes curious and stalks her social media to see what she is up to after all, he originally blocked her on ALL that as well as in email and contacts. It may have taken her a while, but he sees that she’s happy, even at times, she’s happy with someone new who just so happens to be intelligent as well as handsome. He’s extremely stubborn that he brushes off her new-found happiness elsewhere and with someone much better to her than he could ever be. Over time, he continues to check what little access he can get to regarding the woman that he abandoned. He does have his own adventures in life, but they are all incomplete since none of them are with her.

She finally has moved on but deep down in her heart, she will always love him. He has proved to be a terrible and selfish human being by his mistreatment of her. She has spent a long time fearing continuous rejection and abandonment. Not all gay boys mistreat their female friends, but in this case, this gay boy, fell in love with a girl. He may never had said it and yet, his actions did since they were abnormal behaviors that a gay boy would have when he’d be with a female. In the end, he is miserable for giving up on his love for her and she’s happy that she had no choice but to let him go forever. Even if he were to make his way back to her heart, she would NEVER accept him for all the emotional pain he put her through.

“NAB Show 2017 Started Off Terribly”

“NAB Show 2017 Started Off Terribly”

 

When I arrived at the San Francisco Airport, about 2:30pm, I went to get my flight ticket and I noticed that it had a different time than what the original reservation had listed. My flight was originally supposed to be 5pm but instead it changed to 7:30pm. I asked an employee of the airline and the women told me that it delayed due to construction on the runway and that ALL flights are delayed.

I got through the TSA line rather quickly. I waited around and when I went to the gate, the time for my flight changed to 9pm. In all, I was delayed 4 hours. I thought I would make it to Las Vegas and get a bite to eat once I arrived, but instead, I was stuck getting something at one of the restaurants in the airport and it ate up my funds.

I called the hotel and I couldn’t cancel for the night and they told me that I had to see them about 10am on Monday. The persons in the reservation department at the hotel I booked, are helpless to me! I eventually got onto my flight. I didn’t arrive into the Las Vegas airport until 11pm. I picked up my carry-on luggage at the carousel in a quick manner only to realize that I didn’t want to arrive at my hotel extremely late and be charge for the room and the deposit for a night I wouldn’t be able to relax since I’d have to get up early in the morning to attend the conference. I just waited around the airport. I messaged the airline about getting compensated, but even then, they couldn’t give me a definite answer since that department isn’t available until 6am local time.

I’m just an independent freelancer and I don’t make a lot of money as a blogger! I work many other jobs just to pay for this one that I don’t even get paid to do! Why am I even at NAB? I studied film and photography in art school almost a decade ago and it’s been a keen interest of mine to try out other cameras and editing equipment.

I don’t know if either the hotel or even the airline will compensate financially poor me. I hope they do. I came all this way and I hope it comes out better for me than a failure. I already struggled last year financially. I thought I had enough but it seems like the hotel is charging excess of extra for stuff I wouldn’t even be using since I won’t even be there during the daytime. I just need a place to put my head down at night and wash up.

When I left San Francisco, I was feeling sick due to my chronic bronchitis. When I arrived into Las Vegas, I felt just as terrible, health wise. I haven’t been to the doctor since early February. I think it’s chronic bronchitis, but then again it might be something much worse. I’m worried about falling over since I’ve been feeling light headed from my constant coughing. I’ve been keeping myself together but with the cough, my body is about to fall in shock! Who’s going to help me? More likely no one. I’m not necessarily tired due to it being late, I’m tired from coughing and the strain it’s having on my body. I just hope my business trip does improve.

 

 

“Neuroscience for Media Use”

 

 

Only until recently, has it been possible for people that have been blind and/or deaf can finally enjoy entertainment originally catered for the seeing and hearing. Up and coming companies are taking VR (virtual reality), AR (augmented reality), and mixed reality (MR) to new heights and make it available to those who were known to be limited. Blind people can now have means to see and the deaf have something available to assist with their hearing loss.

To help create specific technology, some people with a PhD in neuroscience and specialty in activities such as gaming and film, have been working on products to help stimulate a person’s brain. Just because people are either deaf, blind, or both, their brain is still functioning. Products have been created to stimulate the parts of the brain to give a person a sensation that they may have never been triggered before. So, what does that mean?

If a person is deaf, a certain stimulation is to trigger their sight to give them the feeling of what sounds to hear. If a person is blind, their hearing is usually sensitive to listen carefully of various sounds. If a person is blind and deaf, their sense of touch on their skin or in hands will suggest the feeling of seeing and hearing with the use of specific vibrations.

VR and AR have been in use to help deaf people to trigger their eyes to be their ears. A deaf person with good eyesight will be more alert while their brain is in this VR and AR world that is triggering their brain cells to more aware of their surroundings and senses in general. VR has even helped deaf people communicate with others who may not know how to sign language or help the hearing exchange with the deaf.

In the blind world, these people have it much more difficult. A company such as AIRA have put use of the Google Glass where the user who is a blind person receives verbal communication into their earpiece to inform them of the surroundings. This is company does this so far, on a subscription base for the time being and their customer service for the blind to “see” is around the clock.

Many people were or are born blind, deaf, or even both. Family members for many people have always felt it to be a burden since they couldn’t see and/or hear like them. There’s a “cure” for these people. It’s not perfected, but it’s available now. The price to have this equipment isn’t cheap since many of those in neuroscience and various associated fields, are working on these projects on their own time and money, with little from VC’s (Venture Capital – Investors).

Neuroscience, along with VR, AR, MR, and the use of other media, are making it possible for the deaf to hear and the blind to see. Brain stimulation is key and the way of the future.

20170316_203114

EMOTIV
Headset by EMOTIV helps stimulate brain waves

“Experiential Entertainment: Engaging the Mind”

 

 

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

@4:45pm

Location: City View Metreon; San Francisco, CA

Event: XTech

 

Moderator

Dean Takahashi: Writer at GamesBeat

 

Panel

Margaret Wallace: CEO of Playmatics

Theresa Duringer: Co-Founder of Temple Gates Games

Noah Falstein: Chief Game Designer at Google

Shiraz Akmal: CEO of Spaces

 

AR and VR for healthcare settings other than the at home experience

In VR, you can communicate with other people with the 1 on 1 as a social platform.

Longer form of VR for the future and motion in VR that can be more natural with interface controls.

2017 is the year of VR!

Must be a specific category of VR.

Ecosystem of the brands, with a slowing down of investments for the year.

STEAM, HTC VIVE

Devices per region

Vive is popular in China.

USA is popular for PlayStation and Vive.

People need to create products to resonate with the audience.

Trying not to clone the systems.

(Vivid Vision)

Solving something even tho it’s not a VR business but it is in VR.

 

Entertainment Experiences:

Is it solved for the neurons on the vision?

Tunneling in VR to tract a circle or surrounding to feel comfortable.

Render the proverbial view.

Physiological VR

 

Similar to 1980’s games and early films for the effect of feeling for the first time in VR.

Emotional involvement to make comparison when in close range person, in VR, and on a TV.

Empathy with the characters.

With the platform going forward, there’s more commercial and enterprise grade with durability even tho it’s so fragile to be comfortable to use.

Faster Wi-Fi is need on the software side to make it more reliable.

Wireless is the biggest need for improvement.

Mixed reality is needed for clinical and retail aside from general gaming.

Hardware and firmware are the implements for improvements.

 

Favorite VR experience not their own:

-Robo Recall

-Virtual-Virtual Reality

-Medium

-Mr. Robot

-Dead and Buried on Oculus

 

Not selling VR but selling an experience!

 

 

 

“Boosting Productivity: XTech for Industry”

“Boosting Productivity: XTech for Industry”

@2:35pm

Date: Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Location: City View Metreon; San Francisco, CA

Event: XTech

 

Moderator

Tom Emrich: Partner at Super Ventures (VC firm)

 

Panel

Shauna Heller: Founder of Clay Park VR

Suman Kanuganti: CEO of Aira

Michael Leyva: Product Manager and AR for Epson

Danielle Dy Buncio: President of VIATechnik

Nabil Chehade: VP of Engineering at Atheer

 

Helps solving problem for tourists, manufacturing, construction, and visually impaired

-Saving $3billion a year by using VR.

 

Wearing VR and using AR can’t be heavy and take away from productivity.

How to get people to wear it for work use.

Hardware and software on serve both AR and VR devices.

Use cases can target both uses of AR and VR.

 

What are the solutions?

-VR

-AR but technology exists; creating for information ques.

-Building a display for features and basic.

-Wearable glasses but not at scale with the use of the HoloLens. Hardware needs to beyond construction hardhats.

 

Hardware features:

People are loving the distribution channel and hand controllers. They can have an immersive experience with enterprise use.

Education and entertainment space.

No one is building encoding built in the camera for the application.

Pilot projects and working with the people to learn to where to improve, fit and comfort.

Safety in general and make waterproof requirements for jobs, including nuclear safety.

In VR, people hate people tethered with cords attached. The future to make it wireless. Hardware limitations and build applications around to make it feasible so people don’t give up.

User experience with AR operating to ex., Wi-Fi, to make easier to use. Gestures and interactions. Weight and connectivity.

Design to use in multiple environments.

 

Roll outs – deployments:

Era of the pilot program. Enterprise, education, and other meaningful use.

Some people are taking 360 video for marketing.

Museum market in Europe.

Consumer selling thru DJI

1000’s of dentists are using the 3D cap model

Growth of sign-up where even small companies want to try it out!

In the AR side, has been in beta form; the punch-less form at the end of a construction process.

In VR, it’s for profit with end users.

 

Actual stories with AR and VR enterprise, impact:

Driving in value in specific industries – ex. Home Depot

Integration with IoT

Mobile a precursor for the next wave